It was really only in the last year or so I was even able to say the words, “I’m bisexual” out loud to myself or anyone close to me. When I finally put myself in the same sentence as those words, it felt as if a light turned on. Being bisexual means that I say things like, “THIS WAS MADE FOR THE BISEXUALS” when there are attractive actors of all genders on television. When watching things like Rosa Diaz come out as bisexual on Brooklyn Nine Nine I found the courage to come out to my friends and be honest about who I was and who I am attracted to. Or when Eleanor Shellstrop has a male soulmate, but also could “legit be into Tahani” I was able to identify with her as a character in ways I had never been able to previously.
My bisexuality also helped me to contextualize all of the times that I ‘really really looked up’ to a female celebrity in middle school or high school. It helped me to understand why I liked watching Julie Andrews so much in Mary Poppins, or Judy Garland in the Wizard of Oz. I’ve also realized that I’m not attracted to women and men in the same ways, and that’s okay. I can also someday find myself in a heterosexual relationship but still identify as bisexual. My hope in that situation is that my significant other and I can talk about the female celebrities whom we both find to be attractive. It means that the characters that I write will love both Eleanor and Chidi on The Good Place, and kiss girls while explaining to those who may doubt them that, “no this is not a phase.” It means that I will never choose to love people of just one gender identity, but to fall in love with a person regardless of their gender.
Being bisexual meant that until I was in high school I had never seriously considered that I could like girls. Something about being entirely heterosexual never sat right with me even from the time I was twelve or thirteen, but the language to describe my attractions came later. When I first heard the word “bisexual,” it felt as if something made sense in a way it never had before. The dimension of the word and what it meant epitomized for me was entirely enlightening.
Being bisexual means moving through the world having love for all sorts of people, and never letting the social construct of gender limit who I may fall in love with.
I haven’t figured out all the ways in which my bisexuality expresses itself in my life, but I look forward to being able to spend the rest of my life finding out.