Posted in Blog Tour

Review: “Tigers, Not Daughters” by Samantha Mabry

Rating: Highly Recommend

I love a good slow burn character-driven story. And I love something that’s quiet but impactful and elegant but gritty. That’s how I would describe Samantha Mabry’s newest book Tigers, Not Daughters. A contemporary, Latinx King Lear-esque story about all the ways girls are mistreated and misunderstood, a spellbinding tale of the love and turmoil of sisterhood, this is a book that captivated me and has my whole heart.

The book begins with the tragic death of Ana Torres, leaving behind her younger sisters Jessica, Iridian and Rosa to grieve and pick up the pieces of their broken family. Jessica has taken over the responsibility for caring for the family and their broken, abusive father. She is caught in a loveless relationship. Iridian is slowly fading among the pages of her sister’s favorite romance novels and the sheets of her bed. And Rosa thinks that she can speak to animals and is on a mission to find a locally escaped hyena. All of them are grieving and when their dead sister begins to haunt them, they must all reckon with what she might, or might not, be telling them.

I read Tigers, Not Daughters at the beginning of what would become my state’s shelter-in-place order. During those first few uneasy days at home filled with the uncertainty and anxiety of the massive and sudden changes we were experiencing, this story helped me to escape and find some solace. Filled with gorgeous prose and intriguing, complex female protagonists, Mabry’s novel provided an enchanted and disturbing world filled with the ordinary and the extraordinary.

In a book with multiple perspectives, it’s easy to fall in love with one voice and like others less. That wasn’t my experience with this book. I loved the chapters narrated by the meddling boys across the street, which added on a shimmery layer of the outside onto the intense psychological worlds of the sister. They also toyed with the complex gender politics of the novel. This is a world in which the Torres sisters are victims of the well-intentioned kindness, neutrality and malice of those outside their tight-knit bonds.

Each of the sisters felt distinct and I enjoyed each of their voices and stories. I loved Jessica’s resignedness and her quiet fury. I loved Iridian’s quirkiness and her stubbornness. And I loved Rosa’s eccentricity. But most of all, I loved the way the sisters found each other again over the course of this book.

Tigers, Not Daughters is one of the best books I’ve read this year. It’s intense, deep and suspenseful. It’s also one of the best books I’ve read this year about grief and the way it deeply transforms you. That shower hair scene was disturbing, but I get what it’s like to miss someone so deeply you want them to be a part of you. To miss someone so much you begin competing with the other people who miss them to for even the smallest tangible piece of memory to hold onto. It was so well done, and my heart swelled with every page.

I’m also thrilled that Tigers, Not Daughters is the first in a series. I can’t wait to spend more time with the Torres sisters in the next chapter of their story.

Please note that an e-arc was provided to me by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

Posted in Blog Tour

Review: How to Build a Heart by Maria Padian

Rating: Highly Recommend

Nothing makes me happier than books with small but resounding emotional stakes that make me ponder the ways that we connect to other people and find our way, step by step, through what is often an intense and cruel world. And more often than not, my favorite books in this category are young adult novels that explore flash points in the lives of young people. One such book that fits this category is Maria Padian’s latest young adult novel, How to Build a Heart.

Since her dad, a marine, died in Iraq six years ago, all Izzy has wanted was a home and some stability. Her mom, little brother and her have been on the move ever since and Izzy is ready to settle down. Completely cut off from her father’s family nearby, Izzy’s family is on their own, especially so after they learn that Habitat for Humanity has selected them as the first family to receive a house on the wealthy side of the town where Izzy lives. Eager to trade in their mobile home for a real house with walls, Izzy is excited and nervous all at the same time, because she doesn’t want any of her friends at her school she attends on scholarship to know that she’s poor. Especially not after she befriends Aubrey, a new girl in their a cappella group. And definitely not after she begins to connect with Aubrey’s older brother Sam. Equally parts poignant romance, heartwarming family drama and a sweet, complicated friendship book, How to Build a Heart is a must read for anyone looking for a great contemporary read about figuring yourself out and learning to trust the people who support you.

I loved Izzy as a character. She felt complicated and real, and I quickly got sucked into the messy dynamics of her story. It’s easy to relate to her complicated feelings toward her neighbor and best friend, Roz, who resents their life in the mobile home and longs to get away from her abusive family to become a stylist. I also related so intensely to Izzy’s shame around having less than her wealthier private school peers, but admired her dedication to her family and ingenuity in juggling all of her responsibilities.

Also, my favorite part of the book was her friendship with Aubrey, and how that connection became the first domino in a chain of events that changed how Izzy saw herself, her family and her situation. In close second for my favorite part of the book was Izzy’s relationship to her father’s family and how that changed and evolved over the course of the book. I loved that a big part of this book was about second chances and learning how to let people in, to let people show you that they’ve changed or that they’re not who you thought they were.

Izzy’s dynamic with the Habitat for Humanity workers was also great. Habitat is an organization that I’ve of course heard of and there have been builds over the years in my area. However, I didn’t know much about the details of it, from the application process to how the builds were completed and what an emotionally and physically taxing process it can be for everyone involved.

The writing itself had such an incredibly and strong voice. Izzy’s thoughts and feelings leaped off the page. The writing is gritty, emotionally intense and lyrical all at the same time. This book would make a perfect weekend read under a pile of blankets or the perfect beach and poolside read once summer, finally, rolls around. Unless you live somewhere warm, now. Then please read this book on the beach for me. 😉

Posted in Shattering Stigmas

“A New Kind of Writer’s Block” by Rey Noble

I always love to have Rey on the blog because they often know how to put words to feelings I simply can’t, but deeply feel. That is the case again with this post about anxiety and writing that I love and can’t wait for you all to read. You can find Rey on Twitter.

It’s been a hard few weeks.

I feel like I should preface that before we go into this. I’m in the thick of everything I’m about to talk to you about today, and I hope that brings you some sort of relief as you read this post. Especially if you relate. Particularly if you relate.

Four weeks ago I looked at every project I had been working on for multiple months in a row and felt like every piece of work I had done, every word committed from finger, to keyboard, to screen, was trash. That the project I was working on had done nothing for me as I was finding myself slowly stuck in its story, in the monotony of its existence. Just a few weeks prior it had felt like everything I wanted in the palm of my hand, a key to getting to where I wanted to go. I had, and still am having, multiple issues with this piece. It’s unlike any project I’ve worked on before, and that is both a good and bad thing. In my good moments, as I reflect over the last few months, I am very much aware that I have learned countless more lessons in the three months of consecutively working on it than I had ever imagined. In my bad moments, I’m aware that it’s feeling more and more like another shelved project. Something that needs to sit and think about what it’s done in the corner, dwelling always on the fact that it may remain unfinished to the end of my days. Since it’s sitting in a corner of my brain, I’m not likely forget anytime soon either.

Here’s the thing.

Since June, I have been working nonstop on this book. Also since June, I have been having a nonstop issue in my working life, that has caused nearly unending anxiety and thrown me into another depressive episode. I’m very much aware that both of these things are bleeding into my views and thoughts of this project, and more so my ability to work on it. It’s seemed the stress had once been manageable – three months worth of being manageable it seems, and I’ll admit that’s impressive. In that three months I did some impressive work. I wrote more than ninety thousand words, outlined and planned an entire revision, and then started a revision…that came to a stuttering halt. I had made it just over ten thousand words. It wasn’t even the part where I usually get tripped up in my manuscripts – usually it takes until the twenty, twenty-five thousand word mark. But as I was going through this rewrite, a massive undertaking, I came to a stuttering halt that I haven’t been able to move forward in since.

There’s multiple factors that have played into what is looking like the swan song of this project, and I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not sure what factor is most prominent. Is it that I had been working on it for 90 days with nearly no break, determined to finish the draft and then immediately jumping into revisions because of a self-imposed deadline? Was it that after I got rid of that self-imposed deadline, knowing that I had no use for it, that I lost all my discipline? Was it that the characters, who I usually let come to me organically, had come from outlines and character types and been built from the ground up instead of discovered? Was it that I no longer cared about the story, that outlining it had spoiled the end and left me wanting? Perhaps it was that I didn’t care enough about the story. Maybe it was a passing plot bunny that struck the cord of my heart and brought my mind more joy in that moment. Maybe it was because I had started burning a different candle when I was sitting down to work and it threw me out of my groove, forever. Or maybe it was that I had been working so hard, for so long, distracting myself from my anxiety and my depressive episode that the second I let myself slip, the lack of self-care caught up to me and pulled me straight down with it.

I’m not sure which one it was, not truly, but I do have an idea.

There is no combination of discipline, motivation, and inspiration that will ever be able to take the place of making sure you’re taking care of yourself. And while I thought I was doing a good job, what it came down to was this: for months I used my writing as a way to distract myself from my anxiety and depression rather than taking steps to take care of myself in the long run. And in no way am I saying that I shouldn’t have spent the last three months doing exactly what I did – I made wonderful strides and, like I said, I learned so much from it all. I just…also should have been actively making sure that I was taking care of my brain too, and not just making sure it was in tip-top shape to get some work done. It doesn’t matter how good my hustle is if all I have to show for it at the end is the crash and burn. If my hustle doesn’t include my self-care, then it isn’t hustle at all. It’s just pushing myself too hard. It’s disrespecting myself. It’s disrespecting my craft, and my work.

I’m still proud of the fact that I wrote and began rewriting a novel in three months. I’m still pretty proud of it so far. For now, I’m taking a break from it while I begin to play with another project, and this time I’m making sure to build in my self-care around my work. Making sure that my brain is getting the rest and nurturing it needs in tandem with seeding my creativity. That every part of me is getting what it needs as much as I am possibly able to give it, and learning that even being “disciplined” can go wrong if you’re not prioritizing the right way.

It’s been a hard few weeks – but I’m working to make sure that the next few will be better. I hope yours are, too.

Posted in Shattering Stigmas

Q&A with Nicole Melleby, Author of “Hurricane Season” and “In the Role of Brie Hutchens…”

I’m so excited to welcome Nicole Melleby, one of my favorite middle grade authors, to my blog for Shattering Stigmas. I loved Nicole’s heartfelt debut HURRICANE SEASON and can’t wait for her next two books IN THE ROLE OF BRIE HUTCHENS… and HOW TO BECOME A PLANET. I’m so grateful for the multi-faceted and relatable girls that Nicole is bringing to kid lit and I always love to support a fellow Jersey Girl. You can can buy HURRICANE SEASON on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository and IndieBound. You can pre-order IN THE ROLE OF BRIE HUTCHENS… on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository and IndieBound. You can find Nicole on Twitter and her website.

Taylor Tracy: In Hurricane Season, there is the emotional arc of Fig’s Dad, who is struggling with mental illness, and then Fig, who is struggling with questioning her sexuality and the stress of managing her Dad’s mental illness to “protect” her family from CPS. Can you talk a bit about how you developed these two arcs and what you hoped to say with this story? 

Vincent van Gogh plays a major role in Hurricane Season. He serves as a lens through which Fig copes with her Dad’s illness and her role in relation to it. How did van Gogh and his life come to be a part of this story and did any research you did on his life surprise you?

Note: These were originally two separate questions that Nicole answered together. 🙂

Nicole Melleby: In spring 2017, my cousin Andrew was studying abroad in London. My aunt and uncle were planning a vacation for themselves and Andrew’s two younger sisters to go out for a week to see him. I pretty much decided I was going to crash the trip, and they, being the best, didn’t complain about it. 

At the time, I was coming out of a low period emotionally, and hadn’t really been writing anything much; it was too hard to be creative when I was feeling the way I was. But I was finally ready to try something new. I knew I wanted to explore the relationship between a father and daughter…but that was pretty much all I had. I didn’t really expect to work on the idea at all while on vacation, but I adjusted to the jet lag pretty quickly, while my family decidedly did not. So, I had my mornings to myself and I knew that the National Gallery in London was free—and I do love a free museum—so I decided to check it out.

When I got to the Van Gogh paintings, there was a tour guide talking about Van Gogh’s mental illness, and there was just…something so unbelievable relatable about what he was saying—particularly since, like I said, I was just coming out of my own depression—and I ended up going to the gift shop and buying a book of Van Gogh’s letters. At the time, the only thing I knew about Van Gogh was that he cut off his ear—so the surprising part was learning how much I felt connected to him and his thoughts and his mental illness the more I read about him, the more I wanted to understand him. 

I read all of his letters on the plane ride home, and I knew exactly what I wanted to write by the time we landed.

As far as Fig’s sexuality—I always knew I wanted to write queer stories, so I didn’t really give it much thought at first. I’m a queer woman, and I know how much these sort of coming of age stories would have meant to me when I was younger. 

The one thing I hope kids get out of this book, the one thing I wanted to accomplish, was that they know they aren’t alone, that they’re seen, that I see them.

Taylor: Hurricane Season and your upcoming 2020 middle grade, In the Role of Brie Hutchens…, deal with the emotional struggle of discovering one’s identity and beginning to share that with the people in one’s life. Can you discuss a bit about what brings you to write about the emotional journeys of queer girls in middle grade and how writing Brie’s story was different from writing Fig’s?

Nicole: Like I said, as a queer individual, it’s important for me to tell stories that I would have needed. That’s pretty much the question that every queer kidlit author is asked: Do you write the stories you needed? Of course I do! But also the answer is a little more complicated than that. The middle grade readers of now are different than when I was a middle grader—what they needed is different than what I needed, or wanted. So I try and think about what it would be like to be queer in today’s world, and mix that with the stories I wish I had when I was younger, and then just tell the most honest story I can about that journey. 

The biggest difference between writing Fig’s story and writing Brie’s, is that Brie’s sexuality plays a huge role in IN THE ROLE OF BRIE HUTCHENS…, it’s basically the leading storyline. Every obstacle that Brie faces stems from her awkward first crush on a girl, and her desperation to connect with her religious mom, in the face of her sexuality and what that means for her moving forward. Fig’s sexuality wasn’t what the story was shaped around, it was just a part of who Fig was. Both books also have coming out scenes—but Fig’s is short, and simple, and easy (which was something I wanted to write more than anything) and Brie’s is much more complicated, and happens over, and over, and over again. Fig’s dad accepts her (he’s even learning about his own sexuality in the meanwhile) while Brie’s family needs a little more work. 

It just goes to show that there’s no one way to come out, there’s no one story, that there are different ways to be accepted, different ways to understand who you are, different understandings of it in general. 

Taylor: I have to say, from someone who was a huge space nerd and Hayden Planetarium geek as a kid, I am SO excited for your 2021 release How to Become a Planet. Can you tell us anything about that book and what you’re trying to do with the mental health representation in it?

Nicole: I keep referring to this book as my inverse HURRICANE SEASON. The story starts off with an 11-year-old girl named Pluto having just gotten a depression and anxiety diagnosis. While HURRICANE SEASON dealt with Fig and her dad struggling with his undiagnosed bipolar disorder for most of the book, Pluto and her mom are struggling to understand and deal with Pluto’s diagnosis and what that means for Pluto moving forward. 

My friend Josh Levy (who wrote a wonderful sci-fi MG book called SEVENTH GRADE VS. THE GALAXY) actually told me that he called the Hayden Planetarium Question and Answer Hotline to ask them questions about traveling in space while writing his book, which takes place on a public school that is a spaceship. When he told me this, I had already written a first draft of Pluto’s story—and her mom’s love of outer space and how she gave that love to Pluto—and I knew immediately I wanted to write that into my story. So Pluto, while wondering why astronauts decided that Pluto (the dwarf planet) wasn’t a planet anymore, and wondering why she has depression and why her life is changing because of it, calls up the Hotline to ask all of the big questions that are on her mind. Even if they can’t exactly help her. 

Taylor: What are some of your recommendations for great mental health representation, whether it’s in books, movies, TV, etc.? 

Nicole: Here are some of my favorite Middle Grade books that feature characters with mental illness: 

Taylor: Are there any mental health issues you wish were more widely represented in middle grade and YA, or issues you hope to write about but haven’t had the chance yet?

Nicole: Just like I said about how there isn’t one story fits all for sexuality, the same goes for mental illness. I would love more of the issues already written about, I would love ones that haven’t been written yet. Just like in LGBTQ MG—there isn’t as many stories about POC with mental illness, so I’d like a wider variety of children’s stories being told, too. I’m hoping to be able to continue to explore different stories about middle grade characters with different sexualities and mental illnesses moving forward, too. 

Taylor: Do you have any self-care tips, tricks or secrets you’d like to share, especially for writers?

Nicole: You don’t have to write every day—I see so many writers wracked with guilt over how much or how little they write day-to-day, and it’s hard! Write how much you want to write, how much you need to write. You decide what those answers are. 

Find a group of writers who are in the same boat as you. If you’re looking for an agent? Find writers to commiserate with. If you’re on sub? Ditto. Find a debut group if you’re having a very first book coming out—because all of these stages are daunting and new and no one knows how to navigate them, but it helps not navigating them alone. 

Also: If you’re facing a rejection? I find it best to sing this ridiculous song, because it’s so ridiculous it makes me feel better every single time I have sung it to myself (which has been often, because rejection is part of being a writer!): Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I should just go eat worms. Worms! Worms! Worms!

Nicole Melleby is a born-and-bred Jersey girl with a passion for storytelling. She studied creative writing at Fairleigh Dickinson University and currently teaches creative writing and literature courses with a handful of local universities. Her debut novel, HURRICANE SEASON earned three starred reviews and was awarded the Skipping Stones Honor Award for exceptional contribution to multicultural and ecological awareness in children’s literature. Her second novel, IN THE ROLE OF BRIE HUTCHENS… will be released Spring 2020. When she’s not writing, Nicole can be found browsing the shelves at her local comic shop or watching soap operas with a cup of tea..

Posted in Shattering Stigmas

Q&A with Farah Naz Rishi, Author of “I Hope You Get This Message”

There have been few upcoming releases I’ve been so excited for that I’ve started the line waiting to get a copy and meet the author more than an hour before the allotted time at BEA…and I HOPE YOU GET THIS MESSAGE by Farah Naz Rishi is one of them. I HOPE YOU GET THIS MESSAGE is out next Tuesday, October 22, and I hope each and every one of you will pre-order or buy a copy because this book is such a treat. Farah is also the sweetest human and I knew I had to get her on my blog to talk about mental health, hope and queer teens for Shattering Stigmas. You can find Farah on her website, Twitter and Instagram. You can pre-order I HOPE YOU GET THIS MESSAGE from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository and IndieBound. Please do, because I want all the books from Farah and can’t wait to see what she does next.

Taylor Tracy: Hope is such an important part of I Hope You Get This Message and not just because it’s in the title. Can you talk a bit about what makes you write about hope and the role of hope in I Hope You Get This Message?

Farah Naz Rishi: Over the course of the three years that I wrote I HOPE YOU GET THIS MESSAGE, each member of my family died, beginning with my dad, then my brother, and finally, my mom. It almost sounds unbelievable; I think even now, I’m still a little in denial. But after losing my brother, I found myself in a very, very dark place. Writing this book quickly became a way to find the words I needed to hear to save myself. It’s funny because this book was always meant to be one about finding hope in the darkness, even before I lost my family. I had set out to write a book to help others feel not so alone in a world that often feels nihilistic, in a world where, with all its human-driven environmental destruction and war, it’s almost easier to get swept up believing that nothing matters because it’s easier than fighting to survive. But I hadn’t expected it to become so incredibly personal. How was I supposed to write a book about hope when I’d completely lost mine? That was the challenge. And that was why writing this book became so integral to my own healing. By watching Jesse, Cate, and Adeem endure so much hurt in the face of a world that was literally falling apart around them, I couldn’t help but feel a little less alone. A little more inspired to keep going. My hope now is that it helps someone else, too. 

Taylor: Cate’s mom has schizophrenia, and your representation of her is a woman who is sick and needs help, but who also loves her daughter. Can you talk a little bit about how you developed the relationship between Cate and her mom in the book?

Farah: Schizophrenia manifests in different ways for different people, and for my maternal grandfather, who struggled with finding the right medication for most of his life, it often resulted in anger and confusion. According to my mom, growing up, part of her resented him; she believed his disability was stopping her and her sisters from having a “normal” life. It wasn’t until she was much older that her dad finally got the help and support he needed. But when his symptoms began to improve, my mom said she almost felt frustrated, because now, in her mind, her father had two “competing” identities: the man whose psychiatric disability had often made him lash out, and this new, gentle father who just wanted to be there for his wary children.  But that is precisely what my mom had to learn, or rather, unlearn: that there were no “competing identities,” and that my grandfather had always been that gentle father, one who needed a little help due to his schizophrenia. The reality is that these stigmas my mom grew up on are very much a product of a time that deeply misunderstood psychiatric disabilities–not that that’s an excuse, of course–and yet, these stigmas continue to persist. I wanted to illustrate those stigmas in Cate’s journey, and also show the genuine growth throughout her journey that makes her a better person for herself–and for her mother.   

Taylor: One of my favorite relationships in I Hope You Get This Message is the one between one of the main characters, Jesse, and his crisis counselor, both of whom are queer, even if they don’t necessarily know that about each other. Can you talk a bit about that relationship and the role those characters play in the book in terms of mental health representation?

Farah: It was really important to me to portray the healthy, helpful relationship between a queer teen boy–who clearly has difficulty opening up to others–and his queer crisis counselor, because I don’t think it’s something we see enough of (though there is definitely a rise of books that do!): the normalization of seeking help, especially when young, but also the sheer difference it can make to ones’ own healing when receiving help from fellow marginalized mental health professionals. It’s hard enough being a queer kid in a rural community, but struggling with mental health on top of it all is, I think, impossible to bear alone, and I didn’t want Jesse to bear it alone, either. So who better to understand him and what he’s enduring than a counselor who has struggled with the very same things? Therapy is most successful when the patient trusts their therapist, so seeing a therapist who genuinely understands you, beyond a textbook or clinical level, can help create that immediate bridge. I want to encourage that with my writing.  One of my favorite little things about Jesse is that even though he acts like his counselor is an annoyance, whenever he’s dealing with difficult emotions, his mind always trails back to her and what she might say, how she might call him out. In that way, counseling can be a powerful, introspective tool, a life raft to hold on to when you feel like you’re drowning.      

Taylor: Along those lines, in I Hope You Get this Message, you also subtly explore ways that mental health resources are often spread thin. Can you talk a little bit about that aspect of the book and the role that therapy and mental support play both at the potential end of the world and not?

Farah: It wasn’t until I was looking for a therapist for myself that I realized just how bad the shortage of mental health professionals is, which is especially frightening when you consider the need for mental health professionals is only increasing–and given the state of the world, I think it’s hardly surprising. So with all this discussion about the importance of seeking help, the question then becomes, well, how do I find help when there’s hardly any out there? I don’t have an easy answer for this, but I do want to highlight this problem because without creating avenues for accessible care, we’re failing those who need help the most. Right now, we’re a country that would rather arm teachers than hire more healthcare professionals in schools. That’s messed up. And unless we as a society talk about it, and read about it, things will never change. 

Taylor: What are some of your recommendations for great mental health representation, whether it’s in books, movies, TV, etc.? 

Farah: Recently, I read DARIUS THE GREAT IS NOT OKAY by Adib Khorram and THE ASTONISHING COLOR OF AFTER by Emily X.R. Pan and absolutely loved them both. The first deals with the adorably awkward Darius’s depression in such a refreshingly candid way while still managing not to downplay his struggles with his mental health; the latter is a sensitive, heartbreaking story of the aftermath of suicide and trauma that read more like a sigh–of pain and relief. These two books are entirely different in tone, but I would wholeheartedly recommend each as its own masterclass in great mental health rep. 

Taylor: Are there any mental health issues you wish were more widely represented in middle grade and YA, or issues you hope to write about but haven’t had the chance yet?

Farah: I’ve struggled with anxiety most of my life, and I would love to write a Muslim character dealing with anxiety, too. Soon, I hope! 

Taylor: Do you have any self-care tips, tricks or secrets you’d like to share, especially for writers?  

Farah: Writing can be very draining on your body, and I think there’s this unspoken pressure that your legitimacy or effectiveness as a writer is congruent with your ability to sit for hours on end and spit out thousands upon thousands of words in a single writing session. But that’s absolute garbage! I believe taking care of your body is the first step to taking care of your mind, so I recommend setting timers to ensure that you, if you can, stretch every 30 minutes. Think of it as a built-in part of your writing sessions. Back pain can be detrimental to a writer, and once it starts, it rarely just goes away. For me, yoga has been incredibly helpful in helping my back muscles and spine after a day of stiff sitting. And I’ll be honest, when I’m suffering from writer’s block, I’m gonna lie on the floor and flail around anyway, so might as well make a workout of it. Plus, yogic breathing exercises can also help with anxiety and stress. I recommend trying Yoga with Adrienne’s free yoga videos on Youtube. 

Farah Naz Rishi is a Pakistani American Muslim writer and voice actor, but in another life, she’s worked stints as a lawyer, a video game journalist, and an editorial assistant. She received her BA in English from Bryn Mawr College, her JD from Lewis & Clark Law School, and her love of weaving stories from the Odyssey Writing Workshop. When she’s not writing, she’s probably hanging out with video game characters. You can find her at home in Philadelphia, or on Twitter @far_ah_way.

Posted in Shattering Stigmas

“Write About Anxiety, Said My Brain” by Charvi @ It’s Not Just Fiction

I’m so excited to welcome teen book blogger Charvi to the blog today with a post about examining anxiety from a variety of angles and through books. Charvi is a newcomer to Shattering Stigmas and I’m so excited to have her post on my blog. Keep up with Charvi on her blog and Twitter.

Write about anxiety said my brain.
It’s gonna be great, said my brain.

Hi everyone! My name is Charvi and you can usually find me blogging away at Not Just Fiction. Today I’ve popped up at Taylor’s blog for the Shattering Stigmas series. First off, I want to applaud all the co-hosts of this series for coming up with this idea, I absolutely love it. Also, thank you so much Taylor for having me here 🙂

Why am I here though?

I’m here to talk about anxiety.

No, I’m not here to give you textbook definitions of what anxiety is and educate you on how to go about it. Because to start with, anxiety isn’t really something you can define. It is indefinable because  different people experience it differently. Trying to define anxiety would be like trying to define love, there is no one definition.

And many a times people don’t even use definitions, they use prevalent stereotypes associated with anxiety as definitions.

“Oh you’ve got anxiety? You must shy away from every single person and hate phone calls.”

Maybe, maybe not. Either way your stereotypes are making me uncomfortable or invalidating my anxiety, if I don’t fit into your stereotypes of what anxiety is. Here’s a true story for you. I’ve always been an anxious individual and a couple of years ago I found out that the internet associates anxiety with being afraid of making phone calls. I found phone calls a pretty normal part of my routine but to get that validation my teenage self somehow internalised that stereotype and now I’m anxious of phone calls. Bravo! As if I didn’t have enough anxieties in life 🙂

Please tread lightly when it comes to anxiety, or any mental health illness for that matter of fact. You may not intend to or even realise the amount of damage you are causing to the other person. Whatever you know about anxiety is only the tip of the ice-berg. I like how media, especially books are giving voice to anxiety in so many ways these days.

I’m so tired. I’m tired of anxiety that twists my stomach so hard I can’t move the rest of my body. Tired of constant vigilance. Tired of wanting to do something about myself, but always taking easy way out.

Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia

Every time I thought I’d worked out what I really enjoyed, I started to second-guess myself. Maybe I just didn’t enjoy anything anymore.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman

But like I said, everyone experiences anxiety differently so there’s plenty more room for other narratives. In fact, for this post I want to list out some anxious thoughts that are a part of my daily routine, ones that you might never think a person with anxiety has to go through.

  • Me, lying in bed: my dorm neighbours are having some fun. Hmm, I wonder what my friends back home are doing. Are they having fun? Have they already forgotten about me because they haven’t contacted me in a long time. Wait am I the only one in my friend group who’s not having fun in life?
  • Oh that’s nice, my friend is going back home today. I hope they have a nice flight. Wait, it’s raining outside. What if their flight gets delayed? Or cancelled? What if they have to stay alone and hungry at the airport?
  • I wonder how my sister’s studies are going? Ugh she has such bad concentration, I hope she’s not on her phone right now. God I hope she gets good marks in her exams. What if she doesn’t?
  • Am I feeling anxious? Or am I hungry? Oh god why am I feeling anxious about feeling anxious??
  • God why is it so hot in October? It’s global warming that’s why. I’m so worried about this, when is the government going to act? Are we really going to die by 2050?
  • Okay, I’m so full. I literally can’t eat anymore. But there’s still some food and I don’t want to waste it. So I should eat it I guess. But what if I get a stomachache from eating too much? What do I do??

In a nutshell, my anxiety doesn’t just revolve around me. It revolves around the lives of every single person I know and every incident that takes place in my consciousness. Anxiety can be triggered by something extremely random and knowing that I’m getting anxious over something completely random and useless doesn’t help in the least bit.

I hope what I wrote resounds with at least one person who reads this, but even if it doesn’t resound with you, I’m going to recommend five books with great anxiety representation and hopefully you’ll see yourself in those books 🙂

“I learned years ago that it’s okay to do this. To seek out small spaces for me, to stop and imagine myself alone. People are too much sometimes. Friends, acquaintances, enemies, strangers. It doesn’t matter; they all crowd. Even if they’re all the way across the room, they crowd. I take a moment of silence and think:

I am here. I am okay.” –Eliza and her Monsters

“In new situations, all the trickiest rules are the ones nobody bothers to explain to you. (And the ones you can’t Google.)” – Fangirl

“Some people’s coping mechanisms were all about festering and secrecy and ruminating until you grew yourself a nice little tumor in your heart with a side of panic attack. Different strokes.” – Emergency Contact

“I get into this weird place sometimes where I worry about that. I’ve never told anyone this – not my moms, not Cassie – but that’s the thing I’m most afraid of. Not mattering. Existing in a world that doesn’t care who I am.” – The Upside of Unrequited

“I wonder- if nobody is listening to my voice, am I making any sound at all?” – Radio Silence

Posted in Shattering Stigmas

A Guest Post from “The Birds, the Bees, and You and Me” Olivia Hinebaugh

I’m so excited to welcome the first of two posts by people I admire named “Olivia” with a fantastic guest post about panic attacks, anxiety, OCD and ADHD from Olivia Hinebaugh. Olivia is the debut author of a fantastic sex-positive contemporary romance, The Birds, the Bees, and You and Me. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend it. You can order it on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository and Indiebound. Olivia is a fantastic writer and I’m so thrilled to welcome her words here for Shattering Stigmas. You can visit her on her website and Twitter.

A few years ago, I got up on stage and told a theater full of people of how I was obsessed with going to the bathroom. I was reliving the worst time in my life, when I was suffering from full-fledged panic disorder with agoraphobia. And sharing the good, bad, and embarrassing from that time was really empowering. I was reading an essay I wrote as part of the show This Is My Brave, whose slogan is “storytelling saves lives.” I completely agree with that sentiment. One of the worst parts of having a mental illness take over your life, is feeling completely, and utterly alone. The more I’ve shared my story and struggles, the most support and camaraderie I’ve received.

I didn’t know exactly what a panic attack was when I first had one. I knew something really bad had happened to me. I knew I had been traumatized because I had been on a trolley and felt truly unsafe. And that was just the first of many. Because my panic attacks manifested as lightheadedness, nausea, and general digestive discomfort and urgency, I thought that maybe I had some sort of passing out disorder. Or I thought I was always coming down with something. It took months before I made the connection that maybe the problem was in my brain. 

When I share my story, my biggest hope is that someone who is suffering and doesn’t know why sees a way through it. Or that they’ll feel less alone. Or they’ll see that help is out there and it’s possible to live with it. Maybe not perfectly recovered, but managing and accepting and thriving.

I have also viewed my anxiety in a positive light, especially when it comes to writing. Not to be dramatic, but having panic disorder, agoraphobia, and OCD was pretty much the worst thing that ever happened to me. I think it was really my first time experiencing suffering. I had an illness that was invisible to others. My compassion deepened immensely. And I do think that compassion is a necessary trait in writer.

When I was 17, I was diagnosed with ADHD. And while I understand pretty well, at this point, how that makes certain aspects of my life more difficult, I have a lot of practice folding neurodiversity into my identity and embracing the positives. With ADHD, I treated it with medication at the end of high school and was able to get straight A’s for the first time in my life. But I also wasn’t daydreaming. I wasn’t writing. So when I got to college, and life became less stressful (my high school was really demanding), I stopped taking medication and realized that my creative life had suffered. I’m a classic inattentive. I often forget what I should be doing. I have a tough time transitioning activities. I find it really difficult to organize my space and stay on task. I’m messy and forgetful. But I am always thinking. I can tune things out when I’m focused on work. On medication, I heard every word everyone said to me, I was so tuned in. And for me to write, I needed to tune out.

So I was determined to view my anxiety in a similar light. It’s increased my compassion. It keeps me safe. It gives me challenges to overcome and there’s some joy and pride in conquering phobias. I am less judgmental. Because until someone tells you they are suffering with an invisible illness, you just don’t know. I almost always disclose my anxiety when it crops up. For me, I’d rather people know I’m having an anxious day than think I’m blowing them off or that I don’t care. 

Disclosing offers more than just being understood. It opens the door for other people to share what’s going on with them. I’ve learned so much from other people. I’ve learned there are billions of ways to be a human and that everyone is dealing with something. I’ve also learned that I am very much not alone.

When Olivia Hinebaugh isn’t writing fiction, she can be found writing freelance, making art, discovering new songs on Spotify, texting her writing buddies, or folding laundry. She lives near Washington, D.C. with her spouse, three kids, a dog that looks like a coyote, and a one-eyed cat. The Birds, the Bees, and You and Me is her debut novel.

Posted in Shattering Stigmas, Uncategorized

Q&A with Mia García, Author of “The Resolutions” and “Even If the Sky Falls”

Meeting an author when they’re a debut and then getting a chance to watch their career and advocacy within the community is one of the greatest joys of being in the book community. That’s why I’m so excited to welcome author of THE RESOLUTIONS and EVEN IF THE SKY FALLS, Mia García, to the blog today to talk about mental health. When I’m not grilling Mia about the mental health rep in her books, she is endlessly passionate about the environment and diverse latinx representation in kidlit. Keep up with her on her website, Instagram and Twitter. You can buy her latest book THE RESOLUTIONS from Indiebound, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books a Million and Book Depository. You can buy her debut EVEN IF THE SKY FALLS from Indiebound, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books a Million and Book Depository.

Taylor Tracy: One of the goals of Shattering Stigmas is to dismantle the stigma against mental illness by creating a safe space for people to discuss and raise awareness about mental health via their favorite mental health reads and personal experiences. What does mental health awareness mean to you and how does it intersect with your creative process?

Mia García: It means many things. It means being kinder to myself and understanding that there’s no such thing as perfect – that even in my personal mental health journey, I’ll never achieve perfect, and that is OK. It’s about being as honest as I can be with myself, my writing, and my characters; it’s about the imperfections and messiness of understanding and the fragility in opening up; it often means finding bits of myself in my characters, caring for them, imbuing them with the hope that doesn’t always come every day.

Hopefully, it means understanding myself better, and making connections, and, if possible letting others know that they are not alone.

Taylor: In The Resolutions, Jess has arguably the most “explicit” mental health representation in her arc. But Nora, Ryan and Lee all go through their own emotional struggles as well. Can you talk a bit about how you came to write the emotional issues that each character goes through and what it was like to bring them all together in a book that is also funny and sweet?

Mia: All four characters have little pieces of my present and past – they helped me examine my own current mental health and helped me look back into my past to realize I’ve been dealing with these feelings for a very long time, I simply didn’t have the language or knowledge to understand what was happening.

As you said, while Jess has the most explicit mental health rep, all four of the main MCs are working through strong emotional issues like familial guilt, fear, heart-break, and feelings of simply not being enough that I struggled through, and still am to this day.

Nora and I share a deep love for baking and family and I remember grappling with the fear of expectations versus my own desires. Ryan got my artist worries – that panic of not being good enough for your art, not worthy, it’s often crippling and hard to put aside. Though not Huntington’s Disease, my family has a long history with a certain chronic illness that I was diagnosed with two short years ago, I was able to explore some of my depression, fears, and hopes along with Lee.

And, of course, Jess, who echoes my long history with anxiety.

Now I feel like I need to apologize to my characters for giving them all my issues!!

I think in the end the humor and sweetness comes from my love for my characters – I genuinely want them to succeed – and the value that humor has as a medicine, a way to keep going, a way to analyze when the world feels too much. I find that often humor allows me the time to take the breath I can’t seem to take.

Taylor: Grief is something you wrote about in Even if the Sky Falls and The Resolutions. Can you talk a bit about what brings you back to discussing this issue in different ways in both books and do you plan to continue exploring it in your writing in the future?

Mia: I recently realized that grief and death are recurring subjects in everything I write – I’m not sure where the subject came from and I can only guess it is connected to the loss of all four of my grandparents, to whom I was close to in varying degrees and to my Puerto Rican heritage.

My abuelos helped raise me as both my parents worked full time, and I can’t think of a single childhood memory that they aren’t a part of directly or indirectly. When they passed we never stopped thinking of them, telling their stories, conversing with them as we cleaned the gravestones, or kept tokens from their lives in our homes, or on our bodies.

Their loss exists in this eternal space in my heart where they are forever alive and forever gone that is essentially the cornerstone of grief.

Taylor: What are some of your favorite examples of mental health representation from other Las Musas?

Mia: Excellent question!! The Grief Keeper by Alexandra Villasante does a beautiful job of examining grief, guilt, love, and family and how it all bleeds together and impacts multiple characters’ mental health and the lengths we will go for family.

And NoNieqa Ramos’s The Truth Is examines a survivor’s mental health in a way that is heart-breaking, frenetic, and funny; it examines the process of grief and self at the intersections of race, sexuality, and pain.

Honestly, I recommend looking through all Las Musas books as there’s much to be said about seeing yourself represented in books and media in a positive light that does wonders for your sense of self and mental health.

Taylor: What are some of your other recommendations for great mental health representation, whether it’s in books, movies, TV, etc.?

Mia: Emily X.R. Pan’s The Astonishing Color of After is BEAUTIFUL and lyrical and wonderful and heartbreaking. I highly recommend it.

Taylor: Are there any mental health issues you wish were more widely represented in middle grade and YA, or issues you hope to write about but haven’t had the chance yet?

Mia: I don’t have a specific issue I’d like to see more, just more in general, along with intersections of cultural, sexual, and racial identities. I’d like to dig deeper into my own experiences with anxiety. I can look back into my memories all the way to the 1st grade and say with certainty I’ve been having anxiety attacks since then; I just couldn’t name it and to be honest, I don’t think I would’ve been believed if I could, so having more representation in general would be wonderful for the kids/teens reading and adults as well. How different would my journey be if I’d had help at that young age? Would I be better equipped now?

Taylor: Do you have any self-care tips, tricks or secrets you’d like to share, especially for writers?

Mia: It takes constant reminders to remember that this isn’t a race, to go at my own pace regardless of how slow I think I am; to not compare who got what deal and who is writing what; to take deep breaths and focus on the story you love.

If you’ve been having some bad moments, I recommend being silent with friends – which sounds weird – I know. About three years back I had a very dark period of time where I was having constant anxiety attacks and what helped the most was sitting next to someone, watching TV with a friend, or skyping with my sister while she did her daily stuff. I didn’t have to say anything, or do anything, they were just there, and often that helps.

M. García was born and raised in San Juan, Puerto Rico. She moved to New York where she studied creative writing at The New School, worked in publishing, and lived under a pile of to-be-read books. She is the author of Even If the Sky Falls and The Resolutions from Katherine Tegen books (an imprint of HarperCollins). You can find her at http://www.mgarciawrites.com.

Posted in Shattering Stigmas

Q&A with Erin Hahn, Author of “You’d Be Mine” and “More Than Maybe”

I’m so excited to welcome author Erin Hahn to the blog today. I talked to Erin about her heartbreakingly beautiful debut You’d Be Mine and her highly anticipated sophomore novel More Than Maybe. You can buy You’d Be Mine on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository and IndieBound. You can pre-order More Than Maybe, out May 12, 2020, on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository and IndieBound. You can find Erin on her website, Twitter and Instagram. And if you love music and You’d Be Mine, check out Erin’s playlist here. Heck, listen to it while you read this interview…

Taylor Tracy: One of the goals of Shattering Stigmas is to dismantle the stigma against mental illness by creating a safe space for people to discuss and raise awareness about mental health via their favorite mental health reads and personal experiences. What does mental health awareness mean to you and how does it intersect with your creative process?

Erin Hahn: I love the term “safe space”, because I was a teen when the internet first went World Wide and changed the dynamic of sharing personal experiences. The anonymity of the internet (particularly before social media) felt like a safe space to be real. It seemed at the time that you could blog your journey and strangers could read it and there was no judgment. Except there absolutely was! And that same anonymity that the bloggers felt, protected the often cruel readers too. It was a painful realization that hurt so many young people and adults alike and scared many people back into their shame-filled shells.

Books are different. You can’t talk back to a book. You can certainly vet your feelings about something an author has written, but there is no onsite-comments section. At least for the duration of the readers time spent in the pages, they are safe to understand and read and feel whatever the author evokes in their writing. I love this. It impressed upon me that I have this small window of opportunity to reach a reader where they are at with a taste of where I’ve been and maybe show them they aren’t alone. That what they are feeling or experiencing isn’t specific to them. Or if it is, perhaps it takes the loneliness away. It can validate. Let me say that again… VALIDATE. To me, validation is everything. Social media is full of people telling others HOW TO FEEL or telling them WHAT THEY ARE FEELING IS WRONG or telling them TO STOP FEELING THAT WAY RIGHT NOW and thats bullshit (pardon). I wanted to write books, particularly for teens, that showed people saying THIS IS HOW I FEEL and THAT’S OKAY because I AM SURVIVING THE BEST WAY I KNOW HOW.

Sometimes survival is therapy, or treatment or screaming your feelings in a cemetery. Sometimes its medication or journaling or activism. Sometimes its distancing yourself from hurtful people. Its imperative that we are offering up solutions for young people and allowing them the space to see what works for them.

Taylor: Part of what I love about You’d Be Mine is that it’s a steamy romance about fame and music, but it’s also an incredibly poignant story about loss and emotionally struggling in unhealthy ways. How do you balance these two sides of the story when you’re writing?

Erin: Goodness this was a tough one for me. I’m glad you think it worked. 🙂 I was extremely mindful of the all-too common trope of “love fixing all”. More than anything, it was important to me that Clay (and to a lesser extent, Annie) healed first. Love doesn’t fix all and it’s dangerous to let young people believe it can. Everyone has their own battles to face, even in a contemporary romance. Maybe it’s not as heavy as addiction and grief and celebrity, since not everyone is as famous as Clay Coolidge, but that doesn’t mean its not real. When I set out to write a story, I’m actually writing two. I always write a dual point of view, complete with dual character arcs. Every person has a journey and just because falling in love is a apart of that, doesn’t mean its the end of it. It’s taken me a while to reconcile this process… I realize when people are picking up a YA romance, they are looking for butterflies and sweetness and sometimes my version is too messy and raw for that readership.

But that’s okay. My version of events helps me to sleep at night, knowing I’m telling it like it is. My characters will always find their happily ever after, they’ll just have to work a little harder for it.

Taylor: Some of the mental health issues you explore in You’d Be Mine include substance abuse, suicide, the pressures of fame and panic attacks. How did you choose to write about these issues in this book and what was the process of writing them like?

Erin: Wow, when you list it all out like that… *whew*. To be frank, I didn’t set out to write any of those things when I started. I don’t choose issues for my characters to face, just as real people don’t necessarily choose their struggles. I chose to write Clay and Annie’s stories and those were natural motivations and ramifications of their journey. Annie was a traumatized mess when she came to me and thats BECAUSE her parents died the way they did. Clay was a borderline alcoholic at 18, that doesn’t just happen because he liked the taste of beer. He was burying some real grief. I think it’s vital that we as authors are mindful of digging into the whys. It’s irresponsible to give a character mental health issues without exploring what brought those issues about in the first place. One of my favorite parts of that book is when Annie finished performing the song “You’d Be Mine” for the first time in the recording studio and she’s talking to her cousin, Kacey. Kacey kind of scoffs at Annie for saying she and Clay together were a volatile combination. She says, “You’re barely 18, Annie, what on earth do you know about being volatile?” Annie looks at her and says, “I was raised on volatile!” I love how Annie had the sense of self and maturity to realize her and Clay’s emotional baggage was too much even when their friends and family and managers and label execs didn’t.

Taylor: Your upcoming 2020 release More Than Maybe, also explores music, fame and teen love. Can you talk a little about what emotional and/or mental health issues you address in that book?

Erin: Sure! Luke and Vada aren’t famous in the same way Clay and Annie are. That said, Luke is the soft-spoken son of a famous former British Punk Rock icon. He has natural song-writing and singing abilities that drive his father bonkers because he’d love nothing more for Luke to follow in his footsteps and Luke would love nothing less. More Than Maybe discusses a lot of Parent-Child angst. Parents who fail to see who their kids really are and love them as is. Parents who aren’t really parents at all and break their kids hearts. Adults who aren’t biological parents, but end up filling in those parent-shaped holes in a teen’s life. These were all things that I personally related to and while they aren’t super high on the Epic Mental Health Issue roster, I think they are real. Growing up, your first interactions and experiences with mental health involve those closest to you… your families. For better or worse, they form who you become and how you deal moving forward as an adult. Luke and Vada have their work cut out for them and I think they do a wonderful job advocating for themselves as they dive into young adulthood.

Taylor: What are some of your recommendations for great mental health representation, whether it’s in books, movies, TV, etc.?

Erin: Hm. This is a hard one for me, BECAUSE mental health is so personal and I feel like me, listing out specific titles and encouraging people to go there, could lead to someone being disappointed or hurt? If that makes sense. Ironic, I know, as someone who writes the books I do. To be perfectly honest, for me, the most universal mental health representation happens in music. A well-written song can reach a person exactly where they are at and both validate and sooth at once. This past summer, something kind of horrifying and extremely painful was revealed to me, sending me spiraling, even at nearly 37 years of age. I immediately went to music and listened to the same four songs on repeat, every day, until my eyes dried up and my throat hurt from screaming. Were those songs written about me? Or the specific things that were breaking my heart? Nope. But they did a bang up job of piecing me back together regardless. Those lyrics and emotions healed me where I stood. That’s the power of music. I don’t know a book or movie or TV show that can do that so perfectly.

PS The songs were “Waiting at the End” Linkin Park, “I’ll Find You” Lecrae and Tori Kelly, “Praying” Kesha and “Life on Earth” by Snow Patrol.

Taylor: Are there any mental health issues you wish were more widely represented in middle grade and YA, or issues you hope to write about but haven’t had the chance yet?

Erin: In my third book, I’m tackling religious trauma. There isn’t a day that goes by that there isn’t some story in the news about some scandal in the church, or about how many young people are distancing themselves from religion because of abuse, neglect, persecution or gaslighting. As someone who grew up in the church and has experienced some or all of these things, I want to write about them and shed light in a pretty lonely place.

Taylor: Do you have any self-care tips, tricks or secrets you’d like to share, especially for writers?

Erin: When I am writing heavy, I have to read light. Or watch TV, light, as the case may be. People assume that because my books are on the darker side, that’s where my interest lies. It might have been at one point, but in the process of writing deep, authentic, hurting characters, I have to also put myself in that place time and again and it’s a lot! I balance that with comedy and kissing books and cross stitch and watching musicals with my little girl. I take my dog for long walks and paint my nails. I have a playlist that is entitled “Just Erin, Not a Character” where its only music that belongs only to me. After finished a particularly rough draft or scene, I bury myself in that playlist and let it heal up the sharp aches. I enjoy coloring and Great British Bake Off. I’ll make confetti cake for my family.

I’ve learned that forcing myself to be social and generous with my time is self care, as contradictory as that may sounds. I’m such an introvert and I love spending time in my head with my characters, but for my sanity, I have to close the door on them and talk to real, live people, too. It’s always a battle, but once I’m there, I’m glad I’ve done it.

Thank you so much, Erin!
It’s been a pleasure to talk to you for Shattering Stigmas!

Erin Hahn spent the first half of her life daydreaming in a small town in northern Illinois. She fell in love with words in college when she wrote for the campus paper, covering everything from drag shows to ice fishing and took way too much liberty with a history essay on the bubonic plague.

She started writing her own books when her little sister gave her shade about a country music-themed Twilight fanfic. By day, Erin gets to share her favorite stories with her elementary students. By night, she writes swoons. She married her own YA love interest whom she met on her first day of college and has two kids who are much, much cooler than she ever was at their age. She lives in Michigan, aka the greenest place on earth and has a cat, Gus, who plays fetch and a dog, June, who doesn’t.She started writing her own books when her little sister gave her shade about a country music-themed Twilight fanfic. By day, Erin gets to share her favorite stories with her elementary students. By night, she writes swoons. She married her own YA love interest whom she met on her first day of college and has two kids who are much, much cooler than she ever was at their age. She lives in Michigan, aka the greenest place on earth and has a cat, Gus, who plays fetch and a dog, June, who doesn’t.

Posted in Shattering Stigmas, Uncategorized

De-Romanticizing Love and Mental Illness by Taylor Lien

Continuing in my tradition of bringing people back onto the blog for Shattering Stigmas, I’m so happy to bring back my name twin Taylor Lien to talk about mental health and relationships! You can find Taylor on her Twitter and YouTube Channel.

When I was in high school, I consumed many books about teenagers with mental illness. Those stories made me feel seen in a way that I was not being seen in my own life. The other thing they did was help me believe that I could be loved with a mental illness. Some of them even just for second made me believe that if I were in a romantic relationship than my mental illness didn’t matter anymore. Except, I knew that wasn’t true, I knew that being able to stand on my own was an important aspect of being able to love a partner the way they deserved. At twenty-one, almost six months ago, everything fell into place. I had spent four years single, and those years allowed me to heal and grow. I see now that was necessary in order to have a healthy relationship like the one I’m in now. 

That healthy relationship includes two people who struggle with mental illness. I would never sit here and say every day has been easy. There was a day this summer where I was crying on the floor near a panic attack and she was ready to take me to the hospital. After we had both calmed down and talked it through it all ended up okay, but I know there will be more days like that. Sometimes we have to change plans because one of us is too anxious to interact with other people, or she encourages me to go to something with her so I don’t isolate myself too much. 

The way we can feed into each other’s rhythms comes from three years of being friends and having spent a lot of time together in the six months we have been dating. Early on we had missteps and like that day this summer sometimes there were a lot of tears. I’m writing this post though to say that for me in my relationship, we’ve been making it work. It is not often like the books or the movies would make you believe, but it is a loving and fulfilling relationship nonetheless. 

Thanks to Tay for letting me be a part of this amazing blog series for a second time!

 Thanks, Taylor! What are some of your favorite books about people with mental health issues with positive representation of relationships?